Christmastime is here and passed

Well, Christmas just happened. And I heard it was a white one back in PA! Part of me feels like it didn’t even happen, other than the fact that there are holiday pictures to look at on facebook and I had many people from back home wishing me merry Christmas! But it didn’t feel like Christmas. My Christmas day was much different from what I am used to Christmas day being like. Not only that, but my Christmas day was much different from what I expected it to be like too. I’ll give you the rundown.

I woke up Christmas morning expecting to go to the zoo with Ryan and Bethany Umble, their kids, and two house helpers. I was SO excited about it because I don’t remember the last time I was at a real zoo and I thought that since I am in Cambodia, there might be some cool animals that zoos in the US don’t typically have. So I was pumped to go. And then about a half hour after I woke up, I started feeling nauseous. Uh-oh. So I kept going about my normal schedule, hoping it would go away part way through the morning, since that is what has typically happened when I woke up nauseous other times. So I biked to the Umbles’ house and by that time I was ready to throw-up, but couldn’t, even when I tried. Eventually a little baby one came, but it didn’t really help me feel all that better.

So I stayed home. The Umbles left and I went and laid down on their sofa. Even that was a welcome relief. See I am used to laying on the sofa in my family room at home, eating buttered toast (if anything), and drinking tea with honey when I am sick. I haven’t had that since being here. In the Khmer culture, if someone gets sick, it is a sign that they are weak and need more strength. So they feed that person a lot of food. That’s what they do here. I really want to enter into Khmer culture, but there’s a problem with that. Usually when I am nauseous even the thought of food makes me almost vomit. So eating two whole bowls of fried rice, although tasty, is not my idea of helpful when I am sick. The few times I have been sick here in Cambodia, I have just laid on my bed in my room, avoiding any food and being really bored. And then when I go downstairs in order to not be completely lame by staying by myself all day, I am bombarded with lots of food and noisy children. Sigh.

So being sick on Christmas day at the Umbles’ house was a real blessing for me. I laid on the sofa, made myself some buttered toast once I started feeling better, and also made some Chai tea (that’s my favorite Christmas flavor!). Just like at home. It was lovely. By late-morning I was feeling better so I ventured over to the Umbles’ keyboard. I think this was my favorite part of the day. They have a keyboard/piano, but I have never played it because there are always children running around and I like to play when I’m alone. And so here I was…alone. So I played. And if I can be honest for a brief moment, I just about cried when I touched those keys. It was like a little feeling of coming home. And that’s when I realized in a new way that piano is like therapy for me. So I played and sang to Jesus, belting out songs of worship. And then I wrote. I had time to write songs in a place where I was alone and where there was a keyboard. God knew what I needed that day.

I slept a little in the afternoon and woke up to a text from Bethany saying they were going to be home from the zoo in 5 minutes. Okay, here’s the thing; I like naps, but I’m never sure if they are going to be a good idea or a bad idea. Sometimes I wake up feeling refreshed and sometimes I wake up feeling frustrated and moody. Not really sure why. Unfortunately, this was one of those naps when I woke up feeling frustrated and moody. I put on a happy face for the Umbles, but inside I felt this gnawing negativity. Then I got a call from Vanna and after some miscommunication, I rushed home to get changed for a Christmas dinner we were going to that evening, which left me more frustrated. Once again, my expectations were very different from the reality.

What I had been told (or what I was under the impression the evening would be like) is that we (my host family and I and my host dad’s sister Linda) would be going over to the house of an American friend of my host dad to eat supper with his family. I pictured a very nice, quiet, half American/half Khmer Christmas meal where the adults would talk around a table and the kids would play together on their own. Instead, we walked to Boeurn’s friend’s house, where I found myself surrounded by teenage kids and 7 or 8 tables set up for a banquet looking meal. As it turns out, Boeurn’s friend is a single man who runs an orphanage with about 30 kids and each year he invites his friends over and they serve this huge meal to everyone. Not exactly what I was expecting.

And I was flustered. Flustered and suddenly very irritated. I was not in the mood to talk to people…especially Khmer people who I didn’t know. I still wasn’t feeling the greatest and had really been looking forward to a quiet relaxing evening. Well, I have really been talking to God a lot more lately and working at changing my attitude when I’m upset instead of dwelling in my anger, so I talked to Jesus about how I was feeling. I said “Jesus, I’m really not happy right now and this is not what I wanted this night to be like. I really just want to make up some excuse about me not feeling well and walk back home. But this is where I am right now and I want to enjoy it. Please help me change my attitude.” About an hour later, I was talking with a co-worker of Boeurn and I realized that I was enjoying myself. My anger and irritation  had disappeared and I was really enjoying having a conversation with this girl (her English was very good).

And I gave thanks.

I enjoyed the rest of the night immensely and as I reflected back on my day as I was journaling that night, I wrote this,

“I had to think back to last year or even the beginning of being in Cambodia and I realized if this had happened then, I would have wallowed in my frustration and stayed negative. But I’m learning! It always makes me so excited when I realize that! Thank You Jesus for transforming my heart to be more like Yours. It was a good Christmas. Sometimes not doing what you expect to is a good thing. Schedules…psh.“

 

Daughters of Cambodia…Daughters of God

My last 5 weeks have been full of new thoughts, new skills, new people, new experiences. and new roles. I started work. Yep, my first social work job ever. Except I don’t get paid. But that’s okay. It still feels like a job, just without some of the restrictions that a real job would have. But it definitely has all the same stresses. I’ll back up.

I am working at an NGO called Daughters of Cambodia. We have an excellent video on our website, daughtersofcambodia.org, that explains the services we provide and the ideas behind the work we do. But in case you are feeling too overwhelmed by holiday shopping or planning family Christmases, or just tired of children demanding your attention in order for them to tell you how excited they are about getting presents, and you don’t feel like you have the time to watch a 10-15 minute video (it is long, but worth it) I’ll give you a brief summary of what we do. We accept men and women who have previously been involved in sex work, whether by choice, situational forces, or human force, and we give them a salaried job using various skills they are trained in. Our clients still live in their own homes and with their families because we believe the best way to enact lasting change is to help them learn how to make the changes within the environment they currently live in. This is great, but it also creates many challenges. It means they are still living with abusive partners, in communities where drugs are rampant and debts accumulate overnight. This is where my team’s role comes in.

I work with the social workers. We have 4 Khmer social workers on staff (3 women and 1 man) who meet with any clients who desire to talk with a social worker about something they are struggling with. Much of the encouragement the social workers do is how to build good relationships, how to manage money and budget their salaries they are getting, and how to take care of themselves. If the problem is an abusive partner or family member, we often have our male social worker meet with those family member to work with them to make better decisions as well. Okay, so my role. I sort of serve as the social work supervisor. Sort, but not really. They are the ones who understand the culture and who have been doing this WAY longer than I have. So I mainly just support them and help them make decisions about what would be best for the client they are seeing. I also spend a lot of time keeping up to date on everything we know about each client and making sure we are following-up on all of them so none fall through the cracks. Yeah…I would say we have about 50 clients we see on a regular basis, and about 140 we see every once in awhile. It’s a lot to keep track of and I probably won’t get all of them down until next August…just in time for me to leave 🙂

I have found it is easy for me to get stressed if I let myself, so I will need to figure out ways to keep my panic levels from rising when I have a lot on my plate. But I’m also just getting used to the work and it will take a little while to have it fully feel like I know what I’m doing. But I love my staff! A lot. They are so much fun, and there is definitely down time during the day when we are able to just catch up on what is going on in each of their lives (that’s part of my job too!) and make sure they are taking care of themselves. Not to mention, having an hour and a half lunch break – half hour to eat and an hour to nap. That’s no joke. The Khmer take their naps very seriously!

So I want to introduce you to my social work team. They are going to be like my family at work so I want you to know them…at least a little.

In the front row from left to right is Phally (pronounced Pauly) and Neth (Nate). In the back row is Sophea (So-PEE-ah), me (MEE), Naycheang (Nay-CHEE-ung), and Danet (Danette). Danet is our Center Manager who works with more management things, but the other four are our 4 Khmer social workers.

They all speak English which is wonderful! Sometimes the language barrier makes it difficult to know exactly what is going on in a client’s case, since English grammar is stupid and difficult and they don’t always get the pronouns or words exactly right. But we are learning. I decided recently how much I just want to learn from these people here – at work, at home, at church, and just anyone I come in contact with. They have a lot to teach me. Why should I not use it as a learning experience? Maybe God has something really cool to teach me or show me in someone’s life, and if I’m not looking for it, I may miss it. I hope I can remember to do that when I’m back home too. People in the U.S. can teach us as much as people in Cambodia. Remember that.

I want to share about the Christmas party we had for the clients at Daughters of Cambodia. I didn’t want to go at first. I still don’t feel confident in my Khmer and that’s the only language the clients know. I knew I would feel out-of-place and not know what to do with myself. You would think by this time I would be okay with that, but I’m not. But I went because I just felt I should. And thank God I did! Yes I felt out-of-place, but I didn’t really care. I walked into the building a little late and I heard high-pitched girly squeals over and over again coming from the third floor. All 150 or so girls were crammed into a room along with staff too. They were playing a game and were having the time of their lives. One thing I am learning about Khmer culture…for as much as they care about looking nice when they are in public, they sure don’t care about what other people think of them when they are playing games! There were truly like little girls at a birthday party. I sat there and grinned as I watched these grown women laugh out loud, with huge smiles on their faces – fully enjoying this moment of fellowship with others. I felt like I was getting a peek into what heaven will be like – hundreds of God’s children coming together to enjoy celebrating Jesus by playing games, talking, laughing – each of them broken and fallen, and yet restored to completeness by the blood of Jesus. These Daughters of Cambodia are Daughters of God. Thanks, God, for making me put up with feeling out-of-place, for me to see a little glimpse of Your glory on earth. Yep, the purpose of this organization – helping woman and men become more whole human beings through the love of Jesus and the love of people – that’s what I want the purpose of my life to be.

I had waffles recently. I know this is totally unrelated, but I don’t mind if you think I’m ridiculous. Waffles might possibly be a favorite food of my tastebuds. Especially when they are carefully spread with just the right amount of peanut butter, topped with slices of bananas and then decorated with a little Sammy the Bear syrup. Or smother them in vanilla yogurt, and then cover with berries and bananas. Unfortunately Cambodia doesn’t have berries. I think it is just marvelous how combinations of flavors can make a girl so happy. Sometime this week, make a favorite food of yours and enjoy it. Truly savor it. See how long you can take to eat it. I’m so glad God made eating such an enjoyable thing.

So do this with me this week…learn as much as you can from the people around you and eat your ultimate favorite food. And enjoy both. I truly believe God enjoys watching us enjoy the things He created us to enjoy. So do it 🙂 And you know what? Tell me about it. Leave comments on here or send me an email telling me about what you are learning from others and how enjoyable it was to eat your favorite food (And what it was!). I seriously love hearing about the small details going on in your lives. That reminds me…

To my beautiful church family: I cannot tell you how much I thoroughly enjoy reading the emails some of you are sending me. I hope you don’t feel silly writing about random details of your lives about people I don’t know. I am treasuring them with all my heart. I am getting to know you better as people and as friends, even if we haven’t really connected very much in the last 5 years. I look forward to those emails so much each day. I am sorry I cannot reply individually to each of you – I would love to – but it just wouldn’t be feasible. So know that I truly enjoy reading them and I take them as little nuggets of home. What a blessing you all are to me!

I would say Merry Christmas, but I’m learning that I get so caught up in the “seasonality” and all the fancy things that come along with a merry Christmas that I’m trying to think more about Jesus. That’s not hard to do since there isn’t much of the seasonality of Christmas here in Cambodia.

So instead, CELEBRATE JESUS!