Thanking God for Thankfulness

So Thanksgiving just came and went. They don’t celebrate Thanksgiving in Cambodia. In fact, most of my foreign friends don’t celebrate it either since they are from Australia, Canada, and Britain. It was strange for that holiday, which I look forward to with dancing tastebuds and a nostalgic heart each year, to be so foreign to everyone here. They knew about it, but didn’t really understand why we Americans get so excited about one big meal where we stuff ourselves full of heavy and fattening food, talk about what we are thankful for, and then go out the next day and buy lots of things we don’t need that shows how UNthankful we are for the things we have since we need more. Yeah, it doesn’t actually make sense to me either. But I was still excited about my plans for Thanksgiving.

Language class in the morning and work until late afternoon, just like always. In the evening, however, I traveled with Ryan and Bethany and family to another house to celebrate Thanksgiving with two other young American families, also with young kids. We walked into a house where candles were lit, the doors were open letting light and a cool breeze in the house (as well as some mosquitoes) and lots of children gathered around a table doing a Thanksgiving craft. This sounds kind of romantic, but in reality, it was because that area had lost power and they didn’t have electricity (this is a common occurrence in some areas of the city). So we pulled together the organized potluck and set a beautiful table piled with roast chicken (it tasted like turkey to me), mashed potatoes, stuffing and gravy, baked corn, green bean casserole, broccoli salad, cranberry sauce, and rolls in candlelight.

Thankfully, the electricity returned before we actually filled our plates, so we could close the doors, shutting out hungry mosquitoes, and enjoy the A/C so we weren’t sweating while we ate this delicious food. As we ate, I tried to eat slowly and savor my food. I really did. I just couldn’t. My hand kept shoveling food in my mouth as if I had no control over it. It just tasted SO GOOD. That’s probably on account of not eating hearty American food like that very often. And then we topped it off with some apple pie, pumpkin bars, and ice cream. Wow.

Yes, the food was delicious, but I couldn’t help but think about my family and what they were doing at that moment. I don’t think I’ve ever had a Thanksgiving when I wasn’t with any of my family. Yes, the last four Thanksgivings I spent away from home at my aunt and uncle and cousins’ house in Ohio, but that still felt like I was at home there. It felt right. This just didn’t feel like Thanksgiving to me. I’m actually grateful for this feeling because it reassures me I don’t just see Thanksgiving as being about eating certain kinds of food and stuffing my face. My family is what makes Thanksgiving special. It’s a time to fellowship together, just like Jesus did so often with those HE loved.

But even though I missed my family, I could still walk through in my head all of the many ways I feel blessed – all the things I have to be thankful for. And there are so many. The host family I have been placed with, the friends I have made here, the connection I have with Ryan and Bethany, the family and church and friends I have back home praying for me and loving me despite the 9000 miles between us, the joy I have found in noticing the small things each day, the way God has lifted me up out of the mire of the first month, the ways God has been faithful to me and for the fact that I can trust Him to keep His promises, His unending love and grace I am learning so much about right now…all of these things I have heard so often before but never really understood. Now they mean something to me because I AM EXPERIENCING THEM. I am learning the Truth about God’s goodness because God is putting me through experiences where I have to struggle to discover it myself. I can hear how good God is over and over and over again (and I have throughout my life!) but it still doesn’t sink in until I have reason to cry from the depths of my heart – GOD, YOU ARE SO GOOD!  Often it takes a walk in a dark, muddy, forest with threats all around, coming out on the other side, and then looking back and saying, “God, You are so good to have brought me through that alive and with a heart more closely connected to Yours because of all those times I cried from loneliness or screamed in fear of the unknown.”

So God, I thank You for that dark, muddy forest I walked through when I thought I would never get through it. I thank You for the moments of doubt. I thank You for not always showing Your face as clearly as I may have wanted, and instead forcing me to trust that Your promises hold true, even when my feelings deny believing it. And I thank You for thankfulness. I thank You that I am able to see gifts each day that You bring to me simply because You love me, not because I deserve them. The moments when Kai, in the middle of a conversation with someone else, turns to me and says “I love you Jenna”; the moments when Sa-Sa gives me a kiss on my cheek. And then another one. And then another one. And then….; those times when I can just sit and listen to the little tiny birds that flit through the railings on the balcony, chatter away; the smiles I get from young girls, young women, and older women as I walk past them and greet them with “Sou a se dey!” – God these are all gifts from You that I don’t have any right to receive. And yet so often I think I do. Help me to see them as gifts, and in having that mindset, I pray I can better understand this incredible love that You pour out on me, WITHOUT ANY CONDEMNATION (Romans 8:1) because I belong to Christ Jesus.

Thank You for thankfulness, my Friend.

Countryside…my heart

Riding bike along a dirt path in the middle of vast rice fields of glowing green and golden yellow, seeing the grins on children’s faces as they raise their mini chalkboards and yell “Teacher!” vying for my glance of approval at what’s written on it, hours each day sitting on the slatted bamboo floor pouring over the living words of Jesus, being surrounded by animals, banana trees, and simplicity everywhere I go – this is the countryside. This is my heart.

I spent two weeks (October 29-November 9) in Mesang, Cambodia teaching English to a bunch of children who are part of a children’s ministry program, which was started by other missionaries from EMM. I taught two classes a day with anywhere from 10-36 children each class. This was my first experience with teaching English and after the first two days of feeling discouraged and not getting much positive feedback from the students or other Bible teachers there, it was a little hard for me to imagine doing that for two more weeks. But the next day, things clicked for me teaching, and for the students learning. We both understood what worked for them to understand. It was God showing His faithfulness once again. The day I left, a bunch of girls brought little simple gifts for me, but they touched my heart so much! They were genuinely sad to see me leave and I was sad to say goodbye as well. God was showing me that even though I wasn’t a professional at what I did, the relationships I built with the kids were not dependent on how well I taught. Their love for me was because I showed that I cared about them in the times I played games with them outside or spent time on breaks teaching them english phrases. Relationships trump accomplishments any day. Isn’t that Jesus message to us too?

I lived with a host family – a mom and her two daughters and they were wonderful. They were a Christian family which was great and I so enjoyed staying with them, other than the frustration of not being able to understand what they were saying (they didn’t speak any English) and having them practically force feed me 4 times the amount of food I wanted. 🙂 By the end of the two weeks, I began to understand them a little more and I enjoyed the limited conversations we had, as well as the relationship I built with them.

I had a lot of free time each day, so I used it to read scripture, pray and journal. What a blessing! At first I felt frustrated with how much extra time I had, but eventually I came to realize that I had that time for a reason. God showed me things in my heart that need changed. He made me ask questions and produced in me a strong desire to pursue Him and His Truth in my life. Funny how God always knows what we need and provides it, but we forget that every time, just because it looks a little different than it did last time. At least that’s true of me, for sure.

Now I am back in the city and I started work at Daughters of Cambodia – an NGO that works to empower women and menwho choose to come out of the sex trade and change their lives. Check out their website – there’s a really great video explaining what we do. My role at Daughters is so far kind of overwhelming. There are 4 Khmer social workers who counsel the women and men and then I will sort of me in charge of the facilitating the social work department as a whole. Talk about stressful for never even having been a social worker before! But the girl whose role I am taking over because she is leaving in 3 weeks is wonderful and so understanding of how intense this job is, so she has been great to work under. And I get to work from the Daughters cafe a few times a week (especially when the power is out and I need internet) which means drinks and desserts quite often 🙂 I have a feeling God is going to take me on a journey of learning to trust in His power this year. Hard, but I need that.

Things I learned in Mesang:

1. How to act thankful and gracious when I am already stuffed full of food but my host mom puts more food on my plate without asking

2. How to make the most of hours of free time every day when I’m not allowed to help make food or do anything else that requires work to help

3. How to sleep through dogs fighting, confused roosters crowing at 11:30 at night, and a hard wood floor.

4. How to confidently ride bike along tiny strips of muddy flat land amid craters of mud

5. How to go with the flow in teaching English when plans change

6. What an incredible blessing fans are!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This is my host family I stayed with while in Mesang.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This is me teaching some of the kids.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The treacherous bike trails I rode each day 🙂

And the beautiful rice fields I got to enjoy while I rode.